R.I.P. to D.B.S.

Rest in Peace to Damn Bull Shit

I feel very compelled to write for several reasons. It intrigues me that once someone dies everyone is in mourning and everyone has all these great things to say and all's well that ends well. Well personally, I don't think that all's well that ends well. I think whoever said that maybe meant it in an entirely different context than that in which it's currently used. I think that if you have something good to say about someone it should be said to their face, not at their funerals, just as much as the bad things. I know for a fact that all the shit people say behind my back they would never say to my face. Perhaps because I'll cuff them down, or fuck them up in my "heights" way, or just act like they're not saying anything at all, in my way. But mostly I think it's because people are full of shit. The world is full of shit. I'll state my reasons...

Reason number one: Michael Jackson, the greatest artist of all time, the master of music, the brainchild who tapped into the true power of music videos, the alleged child molester, the father of 3 and "king of pop" is dead. I am very sad right now. I have been a big, huge, insane fan of his since I was a little fart with my eyes glued to the tv mesmerized by his moon walk and the ever popular "hee hee" that always made me giggle. 

I was teased to tears by my brother and uncle for being smitten with him and for being such a devoted fan. "He's touch boys," they said. "He's a bullerman," they said. "He was the greatest of all time," everyone says now. And the very people who wrote scripts with little inserts of insults of "MJ the molester" and "I wouldn't let him look at my children even on tv" and always talking about his children's faces being covered and the overly discussed issue of him hanging the child over the balcony for everyone to see, those very people are now calling in to MTV, E!, FOX NEWS, CNN, BBC to say how sad they are and how tragic it is and how great he was. 

The very same networks that tried to destroy his name with the child molestation charges who said that he was so terrible and that he was so weird and had so many psychological issues are now showing his music videos and speaking of him with reverence. I know, they're just doing their job. The boss says, "He died, keep a grave look on your face and be sure to put that note of sadness in your voice at all times. Say that we're celebrating his life not mourning his death...etc etc." I know this. I'm studying journalism for shit's sake, I know how they do it. It just sucks. That's the way it is. And I'm not taking it personally that MJ died, I'm not taking it personally what they're doing. This isn't about Michael Jackson. I just note a pattern with the world. People die, everyone's sad. People are alive, everyone talks shit. C'est la vie.

Reason number two: Facebook and Twitter. People write things along the line of; "MJ dead but what about the people who die everyday? What about the people who die right here? What about the people who die IN GENERAL?" Now, to those people who say those things, I'm glad that you're so seemingly in tune with what's going on with the world. I'm glad that you find it necessary to point out that people die everyday, because I'm sure we didn't all know that. If a friend of your were to die today and you say "R.I.P. Kevin" and someone says "Hey, fuck your Kevin, Kevin's die everyday. People lose friends to death everyday" what would your response be? Stop being an asshole. 

This is not about the people who die everyday. This is not about the people who died in Afghanistan due to senseless suicide bombing. This is not about the babies who die due to stupid ass chicken heads who throw their babies in the garbage and leave them to die. This is about the death of a very specific individual and NOTHING should be taken away from that. Get real. NO ONE can mourn the deaths of every single person who dies EVERY SINGLE DAY. Do you? 

You, the people who make these fucking senseless statements, do YOU go to church everyday and mourn the deaths of everyone who died on that day? Do you say "Oh Lord, save the souls of ALL who died today? Do you say that for the people who are hanged in prison? Do you say that for those in the electric chair? Do you say that for the rapists who were killed? The child molesters? The murderers? I mean, if you're mourning SHIT go all out, mourn for the world. R.I.P. to the whole world right? Bullshit. Pure, unsanitary, stinking bullshit. When someone dies and people want to mourn that person or feel sad that that person is gone, don't take away from that. Whether they're famous or not, it's their choice. You morn for the world. Go ahead.

Reason number 3: Being a human being is beginning to become synonymous with being a hypocrite. People say things like, "Live everyday like it's your last!", "Love like you've never been hurt!" etc etc. I shit on that. We cannot realistically live everyday like it's our last. We make plans. We say "Yeah cinema lime on Friday"...and it's Monday. If we want to live like we're going to die on that very day EVERY DAY then we would never make plans. If we love like we've never been hurt the world would be delusional. Everyone would make the same mistakes over and over again if we were all to follow this happy-go-lucky philosophy, willing to give everyone "the benefit of the doubt". People you LOVE are alive right now and you're holding grudges. I'm doing it myself.

People you hate would die and you say "my condolences" and you don't mean it. Is it worth being a hypocrite just to follow protocol by saying what's polite and proper? Why do we say shit behind people's backs then we see them smile and laugh and drink with them? Is it all WORTH IT? I feel like life is becoming more and more unnecessarily complex. We're all being tangled in these webs and caught up in so much. 

I constantly feel like I'm being sucked into a black hole of nothingness. Being dragged into "the way" and drifting further and further away from MY way. There's always protocol, there's always the way it "should be" done. I just had the most insignificant argument with my best friend over the way things should be done and what the "necessary" steps are. It was so stupid, the drama - unnecessary, the end result - stupid. And if I die in my sleep tonight (because that is my preferred way of dying) it'll be even more stupid. STUPID. I don't use that word for lack of a better one, I use it because it's the most simple, most straight forward way to express how I feel about the way people act. I feel like the world is shit.

I'm upset. I'm a hypocrite too. I'm done.

Your Allycat is currently self absorbed and miserable.

The Reality of Relationships

"To cheat yourself out of love is the most terrible deception, an eternal loss for which there is no reparation" - Soren Kierkegard

In truth I have absolutely no idea who George Santayana is, however from what he said here I'd say the guy has a pretty good head on his shoulders. Here I am drinking some coffee and well, was supposed to be writing an investigative article due tomorrow but matters of the heart are the most important! Fact is, I am almost 100% sure that I'm going to fail that class so that explains my somewhat flagrant disregard. Back to the point, I believe love is one of the most important things in this entire world, and to find love, even if it's just once and even if it failed, to experience that REAL love is as close to flying through clouds as any of us mere humans could ever experience (unless you're rich enough to have your own G5 jet in which case you are right up there with love, adrenaline rush and the miracle of childbirth, good for you!). Fear of hurt, rejection and heartbreak should never act as deterrents when dealing with love. Throw it all in the wind and just say "fuck it." Trust in the I, love is profound.

And, on the flip side, it's also many other things. Like confusing. Yes, that's right, CONFUSING! There is no book, no absurdly superficial article in a woman's magazine advice column that explains love and clarifies everything for us. And the reason for that is that there is no explanation for love, nothing can justify it, all the adjectives can't precisely describe it, no movie can truly emulate it, and no one person can make it easy. Most of our time in the initial stages of a relationship is spent getting to know your "significant other", favourite colour, favourite movies, general dislikes, just the basics. 


Stage two presents more revealing information like their number of sexual partners, why their previous relationships didn't work, any issues with the family, etcetera etcetera. Now, beyond this point is where it gets complicated because somewhere along the way you have sex, you get all emotionally entangled in the other person, you start fighting, and now is when you feel the ever predominant emotion that is confusion.

They want this, but then again they don't want this and they just said that because they didn't want to express what they REALLY felt. They're breaking up with you then telling you how much they love you and making up with you. They start showing different sides of themselves that make you think twice about if this is the same person you got together with __ months ago. They suddenly have issues with things they never had issues with before and are thereby just stressing your ass out! They just fucking confuse you! I mean, this part makes you feel like saying, "this is some bullshit right here!" But of course you don't say that because now you're in so deep that there's no way you're going to give up just like that right? But how do you know when to stop trying? How do you really know when enough is enough or if you should just stick it out because hey, no one said it was easy.

I'll tell you how my friends. My sole purpose on this earth is to tell you this! NO ONE KNOWS! Everyone likes to act like they know and sound like they know, especially old people, don't talk to old people about this shit, because it's a general consensus that age equals wisdom but that doesn't stand true for every old fart on the planet. Not to mention the fact that love has evolved, yes the old crusties know the basics and that's enough most times but sometimes you need to dig a lot deeper than basic. Love will make you do things that you would've bet your bank account that you would never do. It's very much like being possessed, you have no idea what you're doing, the love demon has taken over all your controls. You're helpless.

This is not to say that everyone will find their one true love and there's someone for everyone and all that. That's just shit people say to keep you optimistic and hopefully decrease the suicide rate. The truth is, not everyone will experience this type of euphoria in their lifetime. But, on the bright side, that means that they can have sex with whatever random hot person (or close personal sex buddy) they choose! They don't have to commit to anything but life and their pet cat (which may also be interchanged for pussy or penis within the context of this sentence). Life is also very fun and fulfiling for them, trust me. I could grow old and alone and have a fun fucking time doing it, and everyone should keep that in mind. Don't make yourself miserable for something that wasn't even intended for everyone. That's like being bitter about not being born with blue eyes, everyone can't fucking have blue eyes. Deal with it.

Recently, my opinion on love has changed a lot. I never used to think about love. If it happens it happens, if I lose it it's fine, if I never get it I'm good. I still think like that for the most part. The difference is that now I've experienced the real deal and I have a lot more respect for people's emotions and for love itself. I also have a new admiration for the old couples that "made it" and are still in love. They make me kind of optimistic. Kind of. At the end of the day I realise that you have to make your own love, whether it's self-love (and yes by that I do mean masturbation) or love of another. The reality of relationships is that you get to choose your own reality by the decisions you make. Make good ones!

Your dose of contradictory optimistic realism,

Allycat

The TRUTH Behind Global Warming

I was hit upside my head recently by the latest episode of one of my favourite shows, Chelsea Lately on the E! network. As it turns out, scientists are now saying that overweight people are greatly contributing to, and may be one of the main causes of global warming. The reason being that they eat more, hence increasing production, and they also drive more which is contributing to the amount of carbon monoxide in the air. I'm guessing that they also shit more, and fart more, maybe even throw up more depending on what they're eating...who knows? Meanwhile, fat people everywhere are going : "oh fuck..."

It's both hilarious and quite unfortunate that obese people are now on the chopping block for global warming. As if they don't face enough ridicule, now people are going to want to shoot them on sight for being "responsible" for the increasing death rate of polar bears and other animals that live in cold places that can't get around on ice caps anymore. Everytime someone walks by an obese person now they're going to be like, "Thanks a lot asshole!!!" (picture it...hahaha! i mean...tisk tisk tisk). Sigh.


Granted, those scientists actually do have a point with regards to the increase in production and the carbon monoxide but why not say it's because of someone else? Why not say, hey all you pageant delegates you're destroying our fucking environment with your hairspray bitches! Or blame all the club hopping celebrities who drive from place to place all in ONE night, why not also go so far as to say that the alcohol on their breath is contributing to...something. Hey, I'm no scientist ok.

So judging by this brand spanking new reason for global warming, the government's plan is apparently to get all the fat people to become even more depressed than most of them already are and make them all eat themselves to death so we can then go on with our lives in a global warming free way! Yes, let the conspiracy sink into your stomachs because we can't drive to get things to eat now, we'll contribute to global warming people! Forget the new environmentally friendly cars that run on corn oil and saliva and all natural things of that nature, fat people haven't heard about those, just the rest of us "normal" folks! It's baffling to me that these facts are revealed and then...that's it. There's nothing like, ok we realise that overweight persons are contributing greatly to the problems the WORLD is currently experiencing as a result of global warming so we're going to launch several free programs to help people deal with food addiction and encourage them to change their diets. Nooo. What? Taking actions like that? Absurd, absolutely out of the question.

The fact of the matter is that global warming is taking place now at such a drastic rate because we have all been idiots and didn't think it would happen so we threw things out the window, rolled around in CFCs, didn't recycle as often as we should and just generally didn't take the care of the environment into consideration in our day to day lives. That's it. So don't blame the fatties, they're people too...just bigger people with bigger needs that should be met goddammit!

These are just my thoughts for now, don't really have that much time today so take this as an appetizer and expect the main course soon like in a restaurant with bad service you have to wait 2 hours betwen meals, which will actually be...2days in this case.

Your other cause of global warming,

Allycat