After enduring yet another sleepless night this thought occurred to me: what does it really mean to love someone? Can you embrace all the things you love about them, you know those easy, loveable qualities that make you smile thinking about them all day and night as well as those stubborn, temperamental ways (like myself) that make you think about slowly wrapping your fingers around their throats? Is it truly possible to do both?
I’m not going to get all deep and philosophical on you with this one (not this time) I am far too traumatised by the dark circles under my eyes. This is just me barely scratching the surface but like a scratch and sniff, I want you to get a whiff, share your thoughts, and pass it around for a big open forum of opinions. So here it is.
The ever popular Bible verses I Corinthians 13: 4-8 says:
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Sigh. Where do I begin with this perfect idea of what should be? Which is not wrong, it SHOULD be but we do live in a real world and I have always been of the belief that the bible provides you with a series of rules and stories some of which are open to interpretation and should not be taken quite so literally. One of my issues with Christianity but let’s NOT go there. All I have to say on those verses is this: we would like love to be all these things, but it is not. Love, when done right, makes us better people. It makes us strive to achieve the necessary patience, trust, truth and forgiveness as aforementioned but more often than not love temporarily turns you into crackhead. You can’t stop thinking about them, you want to spend every minute with them but you’ll probably end up killing each other if that were to happen, you try not to be rude but there goes this bitch again flirting with him IN YOUR FACE and you can’t help yourself, you try to always trust but there is that thing that sometimes prevents it, what is it called, oh right BEING HUMAN! I could go on and on and on but I like to think I’m dealing with intelligent people who understand by now and can complete the list themselves.
I have realised when it comes to love the quickest thing for us to do is to take the easy way out. I pose this (as many of may have experienced, done or seen): I love you. Your laugh, your personality, your fire, your big heart, your intellectual mind, your sexy body, your sex...but... I think I’ll just go for someone who may not have all those things but is less stubborn, less opinionated, less of a pain in my ass, less likely to have a temper, and less likely to amuse and love me the way you do. But hey, at least I’ll be sane (Sometimes I think sanity is so overrated, sane people act like robots).
What is it about love that always seems to produce the “but...” factor through every explanation of why that love can’t happen? I think we are all entirely too selfish, myself included. We are so wrapped up in our own lives and wants and needs that we can’t see and appreciate a good thing when it comes our way. We all want the good, ‘please Lord send the good man or the good woman and I’ll find something far too inadequate about this seemingly perfect match and begin my search all over again for EASY’. Yes she makes me laugh and is full of passion and interesting thoughts but damn I just want a woman who’ll cook some food, have sex with me and shut the hell up, where’s she at?
It’s kind of like those advertisements for Staples where they have the easy button. We all just reach for the easy button before we stop and think, maybe there’s another way to do this that, granted, may not be as fun as pressing that big juicy red button, but will also be effective and maybe even more thorough because the easy button will miss some things I need that aren’t on the list in my mind. What’s wrong with just going to the store and getting stationery the old fashioned way, testing the pens on that scrap of paper and eventually winding up getting a Dora the Explorer notebook for your baby cousin? I like the stationery store. But I digress.
Why are we obsessed with easy? We’ve seen it over and over in life and in movies, the girl and the guy, he’s great and she’s great but he’s broke and has little hope for the future so she marries the stiff ass accountant who doesn’t laugh, or play, or cook WITH her and (let’s be real) can’t, and doesn’t care to, make her cum. Skeet, skeet and roll over. It’s almost like we’re programmed to settle for fear of being alone. Because of course, that’s the worst thing in the world that can ever happen! It’s like 2012 the love edition, everyone head to China there are more than enough people to love there! Come on people. Wake up. There are too many people in this world for you to ever truly be alone. And it’s a modern time, if you feel the need to embrace promiscuity to satisfy the urge who’s to judge? Psh! Ok that was a joke people, calm down (but really though...)
All jokes aside (I could never stick to that), we all need to realise that we’re never going to get that perfect person. We’re never going to get someone we love EVERYTHING about. Not even in our closest friendships. My temper has my friends on EDGE thinking today just might be the day Alicia goes to jail. I’m sure it’s very uncomfortable for them to watch someone give me attitude of bad customer service. They probably shake their heads in the background looking around for police like, this is it. So much for ‘all jokes aside’ (told ya). There is NO ONE in the world who has everything you want. There is however, someone who has everything you need, and then some. You need to embrace what you love AND what you dislike about them because all those components put together make them who they are. And you fell in love with them in the first place because of who they are. Guess what? You’re not perfect either.
So deal with it and stop being a whiny bitch.
Your 9am wake up call,
Allycat
So the new year is here! I'm a bit late (as per usual) with adding my flavour to the mix of all the new year rants and resolutions. Bring on 2010 and whatnot and so forth.
Happy New Year to you all. I wish you a year filled with love, opportunity and adventure. Just what I would hope for myself :)
I don't have any distinct resolutions, I don't find it necessary to wait until a new year begins to decide what I want to change about myself and/or add to my roster of things to do. HOWEVER, I will say that I am going on crazy ass cooking and health rant this year. So when I blog about what I'm cooking and what I'm currently salivating over, don't wonder if someone else took over my shit. It's me. Julie and Julia style, sorta. Not really. But I am expanding my horizons regarding my previously expressed (http://bit.ly/4Evsga) love for food.
I'll be going to restaurants and sampling dishes from every culture (though I've already ruled out sushi thanks to Benihana. Ugh!). I'll be cooking (gasp!) and I'll also be posting some recipes I tried that blew my mind for you guys and gals to sample.
But I'm not going full fucking Betty Crocker on you guys. *Says "but wait there's more!" in advertiser voice* I'm also going to be (drumroll please) leaving Trinidad and Tobago for the first time! Yay me. No set plans yet, I'm actually going to renew my passport this week (or next) so I can get the ball rolling.
Desired destinations: Jamaica, Japan, NY and Barbados. Now, I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to do that yet considering my bank acct balance is $0.00 and my pockets match that BUT, where there's a will there's a way! Right? Hopefully. Maybe I'll just keep playing the lottery just in case.
So from Barbados, Jamaica, Japan (DYING to go!) and NY, I'll be bringing you the goods in video, pics and blogs. You're practically travelling in my tote. It's something I always wanted to do but never thought I'd have the means to do anytime soon. But I'm going to make my means possible and update you as I go along.
I also need to blog a lot more this time around. And do some videos so you can actually put a face to the crazy person. Before, my issue was not having a laptop and having limited internet access, NOW my issue is that I have a laptop and no time to really use it outside of work. That's one lousy aspect of journalism. Doesn't give you time for much else. But I need to make the time because I find myself feeling like I could just yank all my hair out when I can't write in my style and say what I really want to say. So I will now. At least twice a week.
Other plan: Get a fucking car!!! About damn time. Well first I need to get my driver's license so I could drive legally (yawn) then I could move on to the car part. Oh these rules of society! I can't wait to have my own little gas guzzler and beg friends for contributions to foot the bill to the beach. Ah yes, I can see it now.
My dream car, since I've always loved jeeps and old model cars, is a Suziki Jimny. Also known as the Suzuki SJ, Suzuki Samurai, Sierra and Holden Drover. I absolutely <3 it. Can just see myself in one. Picture it...
And then picture me in it...
I know right? Sigh. Dream come true. When I get it you'll see how I actually look in my jeep in case you don't have my amazing foresight.
Well, that's it for now folks! Until I blog about cooking later this week that is! *wink* So, in the mean time between time, I have work to do so later!
Your 2010 globe trekker to be,
Allycat
"For a long time I was in love
Not only in love-- I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out
I'm covered in shells
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife
I'm so ashamed-- I've been so mean
I don't know how it got to this point
Oh I always was the one with all the love
You came along
I'm hunting you down
Like a sick domestic abuser looking for a fight
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
If we met tomorrow for the very first time
Would it start all over again?
Would I try to make you mine?
I always thought I'd be a mom
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get
You seem like you'd be a good dad
Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
A simple kind of life..."
-Gwen Stefani, Simple Kind of Life
We focus so much on these simple things that life, and all the complexities that come with it, inevitably bends us over and gives it to us in the ass. Sans vaseline, Oz style. Bring on the bandages.
I sat here, doing research, reading, listening to music, trying to relax. However after spending some time on the phone, the music suddenly became heavier. Everything got heavier. My shoulders are suddenly strained and hurting, whereas I was originally sitting upright I now hunch over my laptop, my eyes struggle to remain open. And Gwen's beautiful melody (one of my favourites) washed over me. *ahem* > Washed fucking depression all over me.
Here it is, I thought, something's wrong with me, why am I feeling like this, why am I thinking like this? And Gwen just comes and sings my thoughts right back to me. In a better voice and probably wearing something more vogue than a big orange t-shirt of course. We all grew up wanting these 'simple things.' Husband/wife, children, a nice house, a nice car, money. Comfort.
And in our quest to achieve this comfort we have been slapped silly and hospitalized by reality. Those things aren't simple. Not by a far fucking stretch. Even more so when you add broken fragments of a heart, collected along the way, to the equation. Everything becomes substantially more difficult. The simple things are now the complicated, near inaccessible, things.
Who has successfully overcome that? Who hasn't, in the pursuit of these 'simple things', lost almost, if not just as much as they gained? In this modern society we seem to think that people don't still want these things. That we have "evolved" beyond that conventional old think; women are "independent", men are "bachelors" and the time spent in the club or the bar amounts to more than the time spent at home, with friends or with family. I too have been in denial about the things that I want, the things that I've always wanted, the things that I fight so hard not to want because of what it could mean if it all goes wrong.
What is left? If we cannot safely harbour the innate desire for these things, and are instead content to live the life of promiscuous bachelors and crazy cat ladies, what is really left for us? I almost despise the fact that I still want these things. The idea of marriage? Husband, kids, the boring routines of parenthood occasionally shaken up by a doctor's visit or pregnancy scare (not another one!), the arguments, the acquired resentment, the struggles, the life. Blah.
Though I love children, I am (for some strange reason!) very uneasy about having them grow inside of me, give me gas, upset stomach, 20 extra pounds and stretch marks to finally emerge screaming out my vagina. Uh...thanks for the opportunity Mother Nature but I pass for now.
Even if your plan is not to include the husband/wife, the kids, we all still want the money, the nice welcoming house and that car. We all still want this life that allows for the illusion of comfort and simplicity.
I leave you with this: throughout your journey to acquire 'things', is it important to have someone to hug you and tell you sweet lies about the world being a beautiful place, the child with that innocent and adorable version of your face who wets your bed and mispronounces words, the home that makes you feel like maybe, just maybe you should spend more time there? If you can honestly say that these things have never occurred to you, that you have never had the more than occasional longing for them then I say kudos. You are officially a Martian.
Your closet conventionalist,
Allycat
Don't be such a goat!
