Introducing Dolce

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine found a stray that she decided to put into a box and label "for Ally". Not literally but I got the call that she had this amazing splendid specimen of a kitten for me. Initially I was under the impression that we would "share" the cat but that was quickly clarified. So there I was with a teeny tiny flea infested starving kitten who was afraid of wind and made noise for no reason. Le sigh (as they say).


Within the first few days she turned my new gold and cocoa curtains into a restroom, peed on the couch, peed on the phone, peed on the floor of my entertainment room and continued to pee until I decided to be proactive and stop feeding her liquids altogether because the shit was getting ridiculous. No not really, but I put her ass in the porch. She got a nice little basket to sleep in, food on a regular and only gets let inside after I've witnessed some kind of excretion. That part is serious. No really - cleaning up after a cat is NO fun.


After the first week the little runt grew on me. She was supposed to be handed over to a cousin but I'm too far gone. I decided to stop calling her Cat and give her a real name. Since I'm not Audrey Hepburn. She's now known as Metta World Peace (How ridiculous is Ron Artest with that shit? My bro and I are almost seizing when we hear the commentators call him that. Yes, they actually have to call him that!). But I digress, her real name is Dolce. Which is a man's name yes, but a gay man so I think it now qualifies as unisex.

Currently Dolce enjoys lounging on the carpet, the couch, my bed and naps in her basket.

She also enjoys horse play and has inflicted me with several puncture wounds on my toes and fingers. Case in point:

I don't make it a habit of takin strays into ma house at all (disclaimer: this is not limited to animals) but...I'm experiencing a change of heart with this one.

Your yet-to-be-confirmed-as-crazy cat lady,

Allycat

Image from: crazytownmayor.com

Thrills Sans Pills

Getting my thoughts sorted and analysed by my secretary (read: therapist) has been awesome for the whole two sessions we've had so far. A whole two. I'm cured! Remember when I said I was afraid of becoming one of those "my therapist said" people? Well I haven't become one of those only because I'm far too preoccupied having discussions in my head about what my therapist would say about things I'm doing or worse - the shit that I think about doing. I'm on the fence as to whether that's better or even worse than what I was afraid of becoming to begin with.

I walk into her office and immediately the logical and more articulate version of myself decides to make an appearance. This woman must see that I am in fact not crazy and therefore seeing her recreationally to give her my money because I ball so hard. As I sit on the chair to face her, the disrespectful, cussin, brutally honest side of myself just decides to take a seat next to me and snicker while Doc marvels at my maturity and understanding. True story. I mean what kind of person would she think I was if I said, "blah blah blah and when he said that I wanted to reach through the phone and slap him hard enough to make his head spin because that's real fuckery." She may faint. Or die. And I'm sadly ill-equipped to handle that type of stress. Clearly, I'm seeing her for a reason.

Right now our relationship is a similar sensation to getting a new bff - any and everything that happens makes me think 'Ooohh I can't wait to tell Doc about thisssss.' I wonder if that happens to everyone...

Your psych convert,

Allycat

toon from: writerunboxed.com

Shit Girls Say And Other Shit That Was Said

Unless you live under a rock you're familiar with the 'Shit x say' trend in viral videos. Insert whatever you want at 'x' and it's probably been done. It all started with Shit Girls Say and bring on the parodies thereafter. In all the mele there are a few videos I've come across that have literally left me either laughing hysterically or in tears. Seriously though, don't watch these back to back, you may die (DISCLAIMER).

1. Shit Caribbean Moms Say
Of course being a Trini, I had to start with this one. "DOH-TISH!"

2. Shit Fashion Girls Say

Being a fashion girl myself I can say I've found myself saying some of this shit from time to time. It just happens. I tweet and do net research on brands and designers all day and it really is kind of taxing but this is just hilarious.

3. Shit Single Girls Say

I've heard this so many times and said some of this too. But I'm glad the girls in my circle don't go on like this. Way to get an instantaneous slap from me.

4. Shit Liza Minelli Says
I have often thought about how hilarious it must be to be a fly on Liza Minelli's shoulder as she just lives her life. What a class act that one.

5. Shit White Girls Say...To Black Girls
I can't understand why people would see this as racist. It's simple facts. You know how many white girls have walked up to me and touched my hair? Just asking because I've lost count. But seriously, there are black girls with long hair who don't wear weave but that doesn't mean you have permission to touch my head. She got every reference right.

I've been thinking of doing one myself but I have so many ideas it's hard to keep up with which one hasn't been done yet. We'll see how that goes. Hope this made you smile today!

Your blogging comedienne,

Allycat