Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

We all know the song by the late Biggie Smalls featuring the (then) oh so cool Mase with his double dimples and lazy boy slur and the unskilled (always) Puff Daddy (before any modern "updates" to his rap persona). Here's a sample of the hook just in case you're not a fan of hip hop (boo to you):

"I don't know what, they want from me
Its like the more money we come across
The more problems we see"

Now, initially I was all up on this track, singing along and shit, real feelin' the vibe, however, now that I'm grown (and as I told a friend tonight: "broke, bored and unemployed") I find myself asking a series of questions about this rap philosophy. Questions such as: WHAT THE FUCK?! What the hell are they talking about? How could having more money even remotely equate to having more problems? Were rappers on some super crack "Blue Magic" shit back then (as this is the only way i could see more money leading to more problems)? Was it solely about the amount of money it took to primp their "baby mommas" and "hoes"?

I was in a sound state of confusion, as you can well imagine now that I am imposing it on you at this very moment. I tried to calm myself down to thoroughly dissect this rap philosophy by drinking a cup of green tea (I'm such a thug). After much deep thought, I came up with what I believe to be a sensible conclusion; niggas a.k.a. black people a.k.a afrikans never know how to manage their money properly, THAT'S where the "mo' money, mo' problems" is rooted! Eureka! Trust me, I KNOW. Mo' money, Mo' problems is about blackness. Yes. Blackness. It's about what we do with our money when we get money that leads to the more problems and that leads to more money spending to fix those problems and that's how we end up with the MC Hammers of the world.

The first thing the money's spent on is getting fresh. The clothes, the car, the house, the arm candy, the club hopping, "the look". Achieving the ultimate swag is a main aspect of blackness in the rap world. It's the 'ideal' of the "bling bling" lifestyle that has some of these fools out here "making music" (ha!) right now (but don't get me started on them!! *sips more green tea*) Most rappers have their charity game going on, giving back to the community and all that goodness, this all comes after the freshness though. There's some prioritizing for your ass. Getting fresh takes a big chunk out of the "mo" in the money.

Then we have the loafer niggas. You know them. I know them. And we be broke, so imagine what rich people have to go through with them. Just straight up shameless loafer niggas. Rappers have to deal with these characters more often than the average rich person because most of them made their way of the slums or the ghetto and places of that nature. So they have to deal with the challenge of people saying, "Oh he done changed now that he rich, don't wanna help a nigga pay his rent," as they were apparently helping to pay the rent before...? Shameless blackness, wanna grab on coat tails and not make their own way. Sometimes those people are friends so it might be harder to say no. And the friends ask a LOT. Then there's the feeling of obligation to help "the marish and the parish" (as we Trinis say) and their list of "needs" that must be met is always the longest.

Next on the list is the ever prominent baby momma who demands her child support to pay for the baby's new pair of air jordans and 24K gold chain. An ABSOLUTE necessity! (:-S) Not to mention she has to get her nails did for the grammy awards. Hello! Women have and always will be a liability in some way or another. I accept that. Rappers embrace it. More so back in the days of Biggie than now although modern rappers still don't seem to know about condoms and birth control, as it seems sex ed. for adults is either unavailable or incomprehensible.

Last but not least is the maintenance of all these aforementioned expenses. Maintenance is often times a bitch. You can't have just enough money to build a house and build it just so, what if a pipe bursts? What about stocking the new kitchen every month? So, that ever sleek Bentley that they spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on and that sugary sweet white Range Rover guzzles gas and costs thousands more to maintain. So what's left of the "m" in the money goes into maintenance, not just of these assets, but also of the image that they have created for themselves. Swag is up kept not unkempt, everything must remain pristine.

This is my green-tea-clarity-induced conclusion to the "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems" PLIGHT of the rap world. My take on it however is that if having more money brings on more problems then hire a therapist (i refer to them as "the rapists" [get it?]), lay down on the fucking couch and let them instruct you so you don't have to deal with it. CLEARLY! Bring on the more money and more problems for me. I will have none of the above issues as my blackness has been diluted due to race mixing. Ha! I've beaten the man yet again!

Your seeker of mo' money no problems,


"Pimpin' nigga, you know how we do!"

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