Available for Hire: Will Work for Cash

Name: Alicia Viarruel
Occupation: Uncertain
Financial Status: Nothing to declare
The Mission: Make money to get a new laptop, a jeep and a fully functional cellular phone
The Plan: Sheer Foraging

I've never consciously taken into account how important financial security is. I am willing to admit that I have always taken for granted the fact that I'll get what I want no matter what. Whether it was mom, dad, my favourite aunt or uncle, granny. I ALWAYS got what I wanted. Until one very sombre day when my forehead smacked into that withered and worn pavement that is adulthood. I now have to earn what I want (for the most part) and I find myself continuously wondering (sometimes aloud), "what the fuck happened?" Adulthood has ruined my youthful carefree spending habits. Oh how I miss the old days! Though my boyfriend would disagree and say that I'm a spoilt little runt who is completely void of the ability to spend prudently. He's totally wrong of course, however I have had to cancel a visit or two as a result of the purchase of some cute dress, scarf or must have handbag.

The fact of the matter is that I am a hopeless spendthrift living above and beyond my means. Always. I know it's easy for the first thing to be, "get a job like everyone else." And though I have seriously thought about it, that's as far as it ever goes. A stray thought running through my mind every so often whispering 'get a job', but it's very easy to ignore when you really consider the options. Offices, offices, offices. I absolutely loathe the office environment. From the suit that must be worn, to the building, to the desk and computer that i have to sit behind ALL DAY, to the cut throat hypocritical coworkers. Yikes. Majorly devastating and not to mention destructive for my free spirit and creative mind.

But now, at the stage of seeking desperate measures, I find myself actually considering purchasing some office clothes for my closet (the act of shopping is intensely more appealing than the items being purchased in this circumstance). Sitting behind a desk, typing, filing, talking to people with attitudes on the phone while desperately trying to remain calm and professional, the boss. Ugh. Aargh! I apologise, the act of leaving my comfortable bed, my comfortable house, to step into a more than UNcomfortable environment is inconceivable.

However, this is a point in my life where drastic times call for drastic measures. Literally. I found myself circling (in purple ink no less) a job to work on a farm. Yes. Me, Alicia Viarruel, even slightly interested in working on a farm doing questionable duties for an even more questionable salary. If ever you were unsure as to the context in which to use 'wtf', this would be that time to blurt it out (fake dumb blond accent and all). Though I comforted myself by saying that at least I love animals so it could be fun...Maybe. I also looked at options like:
  • Experienced Painters wanted :- Since I've painted my grandmother's house for the most part, my own house (alongside dad) INCLUSIVE OF the redesigning of my bedroom. Twice. There's some experience for your ass.
  • Maid between 25-30 years old for East Indian family. 2-3 days a week:- If it's one thing I know how to do and do well, is clean. *Has a "hi mom" moment like those kids on MTV* And I figured, how hard could it be? Unless there's a diaper-less baby running around urinating, shitting, and vomiting I think I'll be fine. And I love curry. Maybe I'll even learn how to make a roti. Why not! AND I get 2-3 free days for the rest of the working week. Shit! Only minus there being that I'm 21. Gosh darn!
  • Supermarket workers needed :- Who doesn't love the supermarket? Hello! All that food and you don't even have to hold any of it, you just get to push them around in a somewhat cool cage on wheels. Get the fuck out of here! That job could be majorly cool, throw in a free Coke every 3 hours and I'm game.
  • Hiring now. Females to do massages. Training available. Attractive salary :- In my defense, this one did seem a little questionable so there is a big purple asterix next to it. Not too sure if I'm quite willing to venture into this physical contact services. Though the mention of the attractive salary did seem...attractive. Schemers! Next!
Of course throughout all this purple pen circling I wondered how many of these people I'd actually call, but hey, I made an initial effort at least. That's step one. I think. Not too sure how "job hunting" goes. Every job (out of all 4) I've ever applied for I've gotten. Not that this helps my image but hey, let the truth be told. Two out of those 4 were office jobs (Blech!) and I despised them. Quit one and was fired from the other. Good riddance! And the salaries, all $3000 of it, were spent on clothes because I had to make myself feel better after being in that shitty office, and I would not be me if I couldn't shop for clothes and bags. I'd surely perish. The other two were in fashion. Duh. And newsflash: Jobs in fashion don't pay unless you're the designer, the model, or the photographer. Go figure!

So, in my broken degenerate state, I need to figure out a way to get some fast funds. With prostitution and pimping out of the question, I am still in search of quick reasonably earned cash to get my laptop first, my jeep second and a working phone last but certainly not least. The quest begins! I vow to circle AND call and figure it out. I'll be sure to keep you guys posted on the process. Wish me...RICH blessings and financial restraint. Tomorrow will mark day one of this journey to purposeful (and gainful) part-time employment to help me achieve or acquire the aforementioned items. So we'll start a countdown and make it interesting by setting the deadline of January 31, 2010 for the laptop. We'll work the rest out when that deadline is met. Now, excuse mu purple pen and I. We have business to conduct.

Your unemployed degenerate,


I think I'll use this in my next interview

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