Years of movies and regurgitated therapeutic rhetoric has lead us to believe that when things happen in our lives that hurt us no matter how much we try to move forward there is just one final piece of the puzzle that’s missing. This final piece that threatens to leave us “incomplete” forever is closure. Like many of you, I was of the belief that I would forever be labelled a baggage handler if I didn’t confront the person who wronged me. I somehow assumed that if I faced this person and asked the questions I felt I desperately needed answers to, all will be well in the world. Meh...
Delving into those emotions past only sent me down a path that was better off barricaded (and surrounded by warning signs and booby-traps). The thing about emotions, particularly those dealing with love and other associated romantic notions, is that you can only wield so much control over them. Beyond that point they take on a life of their own. And so, in seeking nothing but peace of mind and the mythical being ‘closure’, I got lost. Not send-a-search-party lost but I definitely lost my bearings and spent a night in the wilderness.
There is a reason this person is no longer a part of my life and despite not having gotten the answers to any of my questions (because as much as we like to see it movies, in reality dogs can’t talk) I was given so much more. I didn’t get the type of closure you see in movies. You know the thank-you-for-being-honest-I’ll-be-on-my-way-now-bless-you *cue the music* but I got the truth anyway. It’s not always as straight forward or simple as I would like it to be. Suffice to say, I can never get closure from someone else. They are the ones who have to deal with what they’ve done. My only duty is to forgive them and release myself of the burden so I can be happy.
As enlightening and devastating as that experience was, it has strangely renewed my hope. I was always of the belief that at least once in our lives, no matter where on the timeline, we all eventually get the love we deserve. In retrospect, despite the soap opera melodrama of that day, I wouldn’t have done anything differently and I’m actually better for it. You never really see me discussing intensely personal things here, because it's hard to articulate my emotions that aren't humorous, so I’ll let my love Nina touch on the issue. Really she says it better than I ever could.
Your soldier of love,