6 Signs You Need More Estrogen In Your Life

Allow me to preface this by saying that if you know me/this blog you know that this is in no way going to be a scientific breakdown of the effects estrogen - or lack thereof - has on your life. If you're looking for science find a book. This is about me maybe morphing into a penis-less man (The best kind! Oh wait...). For whatever reason this year I have been surrounded by my male friends much more than my female ones. I don't know why and I actually don't mind it at all, the interactions are less complicated and I save myself a lot of explanation but this isn't to say that I don't love the banter with my girlfriends. I am however, noticing some side effects of said increase in male interaction.

Here is my list of 6 things to look out for as indicators that you need more girlfriends.

1. Increase in Food Consumption

Guys eat. A lot. And a lot of crap at that. With girlfriends you tend to make more conscious decisions about what you put into your system which is usually limited to home-cooked meals, salads, Subway and cute cocktail parties. I love food a whole lot as I have previously expressed, but this is a major issue with me because exercise and I have been back and forth in a ridiculous beef like Common and Drake. Sigh. I guess we need to squash this amicably before it gets real gully. And by 'it' I mean my ass.

2. Birds Town and Birds All Around
Every girl I know and have ever known is now a 'bird'. Even if I don't say it out loud, in my mind I'm thinking, "What's this bird going on about now?" I shit you not. This is because my guy friends address girls as such when we discuss them. It's too hard to keep up with names and such ya know?

3. Dick Repellent

This is actually a great thing for where I am right now but if ever I was in doubt of a man's power to cock-block it was confirmed on Wednesday at an event. He didn't even need to say a word, touch me, nothing. Just the fact that he was there ensured that all other men stayed away because let's face it - it's a crazy ass world we live in. Better to assume that's my man than chance it because niggas be trippin out. Which brings me to...

4. Bitches Be Trippin'
I literally cannot stop saying this. In part because of my friends but also because it's soooo true! To hear the shit that we birds women do recounted to me by a guy makes us all seem like the most ridiculous, irrational ass creatures God ever thought of. I mean really, the whole going through the phone, Facebook screenings and whatnot - been there done that, never doing that again - and really we all need to stop that shit. Stop trippin' birds bitches! Do it for me so I can't truthfully say this.

5. Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass
If you know ANY man, I need not say more.

That being said, this also engages me in some slight lesbianism. Just a smidge. I'm not personally courting any females so don't exert too much energy raising a judgemental/sexually stimulated brow. You know how guy friends are always looking for the bird girl of their dreams and shit? Well I sometimes feel that I can locate said bird girl and so I find myself actually scoping birds girls for them as if I'm gonna walk up to this bird girl and say, "Hey, I have the man of your dreams do you want him?" Smh. Fem shit.

6. Talking About It
"It". As in the way you used to say sex before you passed through puberty and assumed you were grown. I don't actually believe it's quite so simple to dismiss the myth that men think about sex all day. This is because I have witnessed with my very eyes and ears that they do - in some way or another - tend to think about sexual interactions VERY often. If it's not covert then it's blatant but either way, it's there. And now, 'it' is always on my mind as well. Look at that guy's back... Ooh look at that guy's lips that look like... That smile could easily spread... Mhmm. Thanks for the dick repellent though guys. Comes in handy.

Your girl in need of girls,

Allycat

Image from cartoonstock