My Forever Love...To You I Owe My Life

For those of you who think this is going to be about some sappy love scene...SIKE! No my dearies, I am going to talk about a love much greater than what I have felt for any other human being (outside of family and my family of friends)...my love of food. My favourite word these days is "YUM" and yes it has to be capitalised because then it would fully emphasize the heartfelt emotion that is expressed when I say "YUM!"

Food has been there for me through thick, thin and all in between (though I‘ve never been thick or really thin but have maintained more or less the same petite size since puberty hit with the exception of a few curves here and there, thank God for a high metabolism!). Even in those times when we have had falling outs and I have had to regurgitate because of some sickness or the other, food has never given up on me. Our bond is greater than anything else, held together by more than krazy glue, bonded tighter than that new thing they're advertising that sticks stuff (you know...that thing that looks like putty...or is it putty?) and it is woven into my every muscle and swimming through my blood stream.

Like me, food has many different textures and flavours, and also like me, food can be moody. One minute you make a recipe and it tastes so delectable that you damn near have an orgasm, the next time you make it you might barely reach anywhere near the climax stage because something tastes off. Don’t even dwell on my comparison to an orgasm, I am sure we have all experienced this at LEAST once, a bess cheesecake that made you feel like… “WOW!” and a full three course meal with an out of this world dessert that made you feel like “smoking a cig,” rocking back, and reminiscing on the marvellous craving quenching deliciousness that just took place.

Food has been the cause of many a sugar flavoured dream and a just as sweet awakening with an irresistible craving for it to caress my lips, linger on my tongue giving every taste bud the attention it deserves and slowly but surely ease its way down my throat into my ready and waiting stomach and then in a few hours…exit through my regretful asshole. Many a late night I have sat in front of the television sipping on Indian chai tea (my all time fav) and contemplating what I feel for next. Sometimes it’s things that are on the other side of the earth, sometimes it’s something in the already closed HiLo, sometimes it’s something in my cupboard, but most times it’s something that I wish I could snatch right up out of the damn TV. Like those advertisements with those succulent and seductively steaming meals that practically scream at you, “EAT ME…EAT ME!” Once again I most enthusiastically say, “YUM!”

My history with food began when I was a mere infant. I began refusing breast milk at the tender age of 3 months old, preferring to diversify and test the contents of the cute little Gerber bottles with the other cute baby on it, and sampling some mashed pumpkin, some green peas and a lot of carrots (kudos to mom for my 20/20 vision). In spite of this, the love affair only began on my first birthday when that chocolate cake with chocolate icing and colourful sprinkles was introduced to my mouth with a pleasantly hefty “Pleased to meet you.” From then on it was invited into every aspect of my life, a cake to celebrate good grades, a cake to celebrate growing an inch, a cake to celebrate another blessed cake filled day of life, savouring every bite with every breath and enjoying every chew with the same fervour that I enjoy every adventure. “YUM.”

From there it only got better, it’s like John Legend said, “Each day gets better, I just can’t let her go…Oh noooo.” Except that my version would be more like, “Each bite gets better, chewing you tender…oooooohhhhh.” I’m available for a record deal if you want to hear me sing it in real life, just so you know. Anyway I’m not trying to digress from my love here…as I was saying…I have written a short piece, as a pre-20th anniversary celebration of the love that food and I have shared throughout the years….

Food, oh food
You taste so gooooood

In my mind you are ever present,
Tickling my fancy with your pleasant…
Aroma (LOL, how yuh like that one?)
You lift my somber…
Oh food

I laud your flavour
Can I savour -
When I’m not hungry let not my lack of attention belie my love for you -
How do you do -
As I feast on you by candlelight…
And you briefly slip onto my lap and roll across my bounty
Before I gently wipe you up with a Bounty…
Food, my forever love
My blessing from the angel chefs above
Because we all know, God does eat a food too
But even He can’t see you like I do
Oh food…
Forgive me as to your tastiness I succumb

Now… in case I have any commandment referring, deadly sin crucifying, bible memorising super Christians reading this, let me assure you that this is not gluttony. This is just my taste buds expressing their appreciation to my heart which then expresses this to my brain which subsequently commands my fingers to commit it to text. That’s all that it is so please do not say prayers over my mouth and stomach to condemn their appreciation for the finer things in life, which may I remind you, God himself created. So there it is.

Even as I write this my love is whispering ever so sweetly in my ear, “What do feel for tonight Ally? Should I be sweet, spicy or mildly sour?” This kind of consideration for what I crave, I can find in no man, this is why food is and always will be my forever love and hold my heart hostage until I eventually die of totally natural causes…or high cholesterol.

Your lip smacking scrumptious food lover,

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