Hateration in La Femme Nation

This is without a doubt something I’ve wanted to write about for some time, but I wanted to take a little writing hiatus on account of exams. But anyhoo, my friends, particularly any females who may be reading this, I am dying to know why it is that women make themselves their own worst enemies! I fail to understand this whole competitive, back stabbing, “hating on her ass” nature that has truly become a norm amongst women, not just in Trinidad and Tobago but in the world.

Why is it that when a woman sees another woman walking down the street (and she just so happens to be gorgeous and looking really good) instead of saying, “Hey, you look really nice,” and probably making her day, they choose to contort their faces to all different degrees of “screw”? This baffles me. Ladies, I am sure we have ALL experienced this at some time or another and probably thought to ourselves, “What is her problem? Why does she have to give me that seething look like I just told her something about her mother?” Well…that’s what I think anyway (though mind you, if someone were to tell me anything about my mother I assure you they would receive much more than a seething stare in response).

Why all this hateration? Why can’t we just appreciate one another and for a damn change live together in perfect harmony? Okay I take that last line back, I still want to maintain my “realist” mentality throughout all of this. But seriously, how hard could it be to use the energy you would use to screw your face to instead compliment the person on their fabulousness? I have complimented other women on many an occasion, of course risking being looked at as a lesbian weirdo since it’s so RARE to receive a compliment from another female that it’s the primary assumption, but I will most certainly keep doing it anyway.

One of the reasons being that I think if someone looks good, they should at least be privy to a few nice words and some kind of commendation for their efforts. But the main reason being that there was this one time I did it, I will never forget, it was a Saturday in West Mall at a table in front of KFC (which was the only available table in the food court), and this lady walked past me and stood in the KFC line and she looked so ridiculously beautiful that I actually said, “wow.” And no, I am not gay, nor did I have a lesbian lapse, the woman was just one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen face to face (no PhotoShop involved) so I was taken aback to say the least. So I figured that instead of just sitting there gawking at her and wondering if she was some extraterrestrial mobile manikin of perfection, I would walk up to her and tell her that I thought she looked great, just as an FYI.

So I did, and she was so appreciative that she did the unexpected and turned into an off-loader (you know one of those people who you tell one thing and they start telling you about everything else that’s going on in their life…yeah. This proves no one is PERFECT). So she off-loaded a shit load on me and told me that she’s actually going through a difficult divorce and she was just at home moping around and wallowing in her sorrows then she just felt like dressing up and coming to the mall and that she was so glad to receive my compliment because it made her entire day better and that it was the first time anyone even spoke to her for the day. And yes, she even offered to buy me some KFC which I politely refused, not solely because I don’t eat it but more so because I wasn’t sure what else she might tell me about her broken marriage, God forbid sex issues were involved because I am certain she would’ve had no trouble at all divulging all the dirty details.

But my recollection of that event isn’t meant to be discouraging, just take the good details out of it. Main point is, she was ecstatic, and I was probably responsible for her first genuine smile for the day, and I felt good for her and I felt good for walking over to compliment her and making her day at least a little better with my contribution of words. This is something that women should practice more often. I mean shoot, some of us are bold enough to walk right up to a guy and tell him what we think of him off the bat, just rattle off some lines about how gorgeous he is, no restraints at all. So why not do it for a fellow female, minus the flirtatious tone and “sex eyes” and just say “hey, you‘re really pretty” or if she might not necessarily be that great in the looks department but she has on a hot outfit you can say “I love your shoes” or “that top looks great.” The compliment serves the same purpose, which is to make the woman feel like her efforts are appreciated not only by the leering eyes of men but holistically, by her fellow chicas as well.

Yes the ratio of men to women are like 1:3 or something like that, I’m not much for stats and it’s almost 6 in yet another one of my sleepless mornings so I’m not going to delve into any research, use this as an opportunity to educate yourselves, but does this necessarily equate to us women having animosity towards one another? As if that’s really going to help any of us, if we were all to get like that then more men would be gay because we’ll all just be a bunch of angry bitches starting a brand spanking new World War, la femme style. Stop this tomfoolery! It’s immature, nonsensical and quite frankly, not going to get us anywhere.

I must confess though, in some strange way I am actually fuelled by this hatred generated briefly as I walk past these stupid sad women and their screwed faces, it makes me embrace my inherent nonchalance and shows me that although I may be no female version of Albert Einstein, I‘m also not a mindless drone who resorts to unnecessary negativity either. Can’t we all just get along?! Listen to Mary, we don’t need “no hateration and holleration” okay. Get a grip on yourselves. Don’t hate - appreciate, congratulate and elevate yourselves above this childish…crap. No big words necessary, it’s just crap.

Your compliment distributing non-lesbo,


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