The TRUTH Behind Global Warming

I was hit upside my head recently by the latest episode of one of my favourite shows, Chelsea Lately on the E! network. As it turns out, scientists are now saying that overweight people are greatly contributing to, and may be one of the main causes of global warming. The reason being that they eat more, hence increasing production, and they also drive more which is contributing to the amount of carbon monoxide in the air. I'm guessing that they also shit more, and fart more, maybe even throw up more depending on what they're eating...who knows? Meanwhile, fat people everywhere are going : "oh fuck..."

It's both hilarious and quite unfortunate that obese people are now on the chopping block for global warming. As if they don't face enough ridicule, now people are going to want to shoot them on sight for being "responsible" for the increasing death rate of polar bears and other animals that live in cold places that can't get around on ice caps anymore. Everytime someone walks by an obese person now they're going to be like, "Thanks a lot asshole!!!" (picture it...hahaha! i mean...tisk tisk tisk). Sigh.

Granted, those scientists actually do have a point with regards to the increase in production and the carbon monoxide but why not say it's because of someone else? Why not say, hey all you pageant delegates you're destroying our fucking environment with your hairspray bitches! Or blame all the club hopping celebrities who drive from place to place all in ONE night, why not also go so far as to say that the alcohol on their breath is contributing to...something. Hey, I'm no scientist ok.

So judging by this brand spanking new reason for global warming, the government's plan is apparently to get all the fat people to become even more depressed than most of them already are and make them all eat themselves to death so we can then go on with our lives in a global warming free way! Yes, let the conspiracy sink into your stomachs because we can't drive to get things to eat now, we'll contribute to global warming people! Forget the new environmentally friendly cars that run on corn oil and saliva and all natural things of that nature, fat people haven't heard about those, just the rest of us "normal" folks! It's baffling to me that these facts are revealed and then...that's it. There's nothing like, ok we realise that overweight persons are contributing greatly to the problems the WORLD is currently experiencing as a result of global warming so we're going to launch several free programs to help people deal with food addiction and encourage them to change their diets. Nooo. What? Taking actions like that? Absurd, absolutely out of the question.

The fact of the matter is that global warming is taking place now at such a drastic rate because we have all been idiots and didn't think it would happen so we threw things out the window, rolled around in CFCs, didn't recycle as often as we should and just generally didn't take the care of the environment into consideration in our day to day lives. That's it. So don't blame the fatties, they're people too...just bigger people with bigger needs that should be met goddammit!

These are just my thoughts for now, don't really have that much time today so take this as an appetizer and expect the main course soon like in a restaurant with bad service you have to wait 2 hours betwen meals, which will actually be...2days in this case.

Your other cause of global warming,


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