The first thing that comes to mind is most likely the Frank Sinatra song, made popular by the “Married with Children” sitcom in the 90s for which it was the theme song. “Love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage. This I tell you brother, you can't have one without the other.” The question is therefore, which one is doing all the work while the other rests behind and is carried along? Is love the horse or the carriage? Or is it that it's not at all like a horse and carriage but more so like a horse and its jockey with one constantly riding the other in the hopes of eventually achieving success? And who says you can't have one without the other anyway (besides Frankie)? Why can't a horse just be a horse grazing in the fields, eating grass and galloping off to some unknown destination? Poor horses...always being used in analogies for something else. Can't a horse just be a horse these days?!
Sometimes I feel like marriage is a sham. All one big shenanigan conjured up by some bored elite of society back in the days before Joseph married a preggers Mary (Bet that was an event in itself. Kind of takes the fun out of it for Jo, “oh shit, she's knocked up already? I didn't even get to touch it yet! Thanks a lot oh Holy One!”). Sorry for diverging, so anyhoos, who said two people have to get married to live happily ever after? As a matter of fact (I think) statistics show that less and less of us are “crossing the finish line” anyway, which further emphasizes my point. What's the purpose of it all? Wedding bells, a cliché white dress for an impure “sexually active” female, a lame tux for the male, the same old vows read by the same old crusty priest, relatives you hardly see and people you don't know (who were probably dragged to the wedding against their will or just came for the free food), a big stupid “just married” sign on a car which only means that other drivers are going to blare their horns at you (thank goodness for my dear friend Motrin Rx) and not only that but you have to sign documents. Oh great. You have one form of work to do another. And how could I forget? The rice being thrown at you by the people you invited to this joyous occasion who are now practically pelting the stale hard rice at you like they're punishing you for either getting married, or making them sit through the whole process.
Oh joy, here comes the bride! Which by the way has to be one of the most annoying, most overplayed, most SLAUGHTERED songs since it's fucking creation. I bet even the composer didn't even know what he was getting himself into otherwise he would've probably passed on it. And people have the audacity to make remixes! Shame on you! Maybe people do it for the bling. You get to flash around this gold ring on this odd finger of your left hand. If you think about it, more so for the woman, the ring is really how people gauge their approval of the marriage. The convo goes something like this:
Newly engaged hopeful: “Tom proposed last night Suzy! And I said yes!”
Shallow future wedding attendee: “Really! Let me see the ring!”
*Newly engaged hopeful presents the odd finger of the left hand for inspection to the shallow future wedding attendee*
For a barely visible diamond: “Oh that's good Jenny. Hope it goes well.”
For a huge rock (that practically renders your finger immobile): “Oh how wonderful! When is the wedding Jen? He must really love you to give you a rock like that!”
(let's all have a sad moment for the poor lover boy...ok that's enough)
Disclaimer: For the protection of all involved, names have been changed.
Sad, but true. Sigh. What has the world come to? A thought just came to me: Maybe the bigger the diamond the lower the chances are that the marriage is going to work out. Think about it before you write it off in your mind as pure folly. Ok, so back in the days your grandparents/great grandparents got married and the wedding ring had a diamond on it that looked like a speck of glitter more than anything else. Meanwhile, your parents are on the verge of collapse with a medium sized rock, and your brother bought his fiancé a huge fancy rock and they're divorced after 2 years. Boom. Right? Right? Ok, so maybe it is a nonsensical theory but it deserves some thought.
Our grandparents/great grandparents have made it through wars, recessions, poverty and strife, widespread disease and numerous affairs and these days marriages can barely survive a fucking argument. Different time you say? People are more educated and independent and have an “i don't take no shit” attitude you say? Well I say bullshit. It's not about right and wrong choices, it's not like our predecessors had a heightened sense of judgment that skipped our generation. So I think we can safely rule out the fact that people choose more hastily because I know people who have “courted” for several years and then got married and it all fell to shit. So what is it then? Has the human race evolved into this impatient mass of self-serving individuals who are only aware of the general concept of love but have no real idea what it means? Food for thought...and now...i resign until next time.
The hiatus is over. I'm back bitches. Stay tuned.
Your future anti-cliché bride/wedding guest (for the food don't get it twisted),